Monday, September 28, 2009

Freebie cheat

IMG_9212_copy_copy[Photo via]

First, I’d like to announce that The Panel is on Twitter. You can follow our account, @ThePanel_Blog, for notifications whenever we have a new post.

Now on to our main business:

After seeing a tweet a few weeks ago, I sent the following message to all the members of The Panel:

Let's say you and your significant other have an agreement where you're allowed to cheat with one... and only one... person that you declare to be your person ahead of time... basically a free cheat.

Who would your free cheat be?

Here are their responses:

• Jen: This post is all about whom my “freebie”  would be if I was given the luxury of 1) picking someone who would agree to this scheme, and 2) I was in a relationship to begin with.  Oh and 3) they allowed “freebies” in said imagined relationship. I admit I have a lot of guys I would be happy to pick if I was going by looks alone.  And my short list wouldn’t be very short if they were to make the cut based on looks and personality.  I am not super picky about personality, especially when you only know what the tabloids say or their publicist wants you to know. 

Oddly enough my short list contains men mostly from the UK. I don’t think it’s the accent because they come and go depending on roles they play; maybe we just have a plethora of men from the UK. But one stand out American was Ron Livingston. I have not watched him in a lot of his movies, “Band of Brothers” was enough for me to decide this guy was complex and most importantly, in need of love and understanding.  Oh wait, that was his character. Details. Another American on the list would have to be Robert Downey, Jr. Now he IS broken, no doubt about it, and good looking and talented. Those were my short list Americans, but they didn’t actually make it to the top spot.

Onto my UK picks. One of them would be Ron Livingston’s cast mate in “Band of Brothers”, Damian Lewis. Pretty much, again, because of his character in that production. Oh, the strong silent type with a sardonic sense of humor. Does it get any better? Well, it must, because he wasn’t my top pick either. Then there is Matthew MacFadyen. He was in MI-5 for years and was Darcy in the 2005 production of “Pride and Prejudice” opposite Keira Knightley. I’m telling you, if you can watch him in either of those roles and not develop a serious crush, you have no heart. Or sex drive. But believe it or not, he was not my top pick either.

I could continue on with picks, but they would all start to sound the same. Good looking (at least to me) and either British or Scottish and maybe an Irishman or two. So, drum roll please.  My top pick would be, oh I am so predictable, Ewan McGregor. Jedi Knight, singing and dancing fool, heroin addict, it doesn’t matter, he’s awesomely awesome. And he even seems to be a nice, regular guy. He’s married of course, so his wife needs to agree to this little arrangement, but when she does, I’ll be ready and waiting.

• Justin: I have to admit I didn’t really do much thinking on this because I had the flu for a good chunk of the last week.

If you’d come to be a couple years ago, I would have said Jennifer Morrison, but she should have never dyed her hair blonde. I don’t have anything against blondes, but it just doesn’t work for her.

So, I’m afraid I’ll have to fall back to Mia Kirshner, who I’ve had a thing for since I first saw her on 24.

• Mollie Katie: If I get a "free cheat", I would use it on one of the New York Yankees. Derek Jeter, Johnny Damon, Nick Swisher ---whoever has been "Mr. Clutch Performer" this season. If you follow me in Twitter, you know that I am an avowed member of Red Sox Nation. Die-hard, superstitious about lingerie and pants and couches, writing notes to GM Theo Epstein over Twitter as though we actually have a relationship, etc. So why use my "free cheat" on the Evil Empire? Simple. If you know anything about my life story, you know that wherever I go, bad luck follows. (Example: I move to New Orleans for college. Three days later the city gets annihilated with Hurricane Katrina. And when I try to go back several months later, the mold almost kills me. My doctor will not let me travel to the South without her approval now.) What I'm saying is, it would be awful. And not just because I suspect Jeter and A-Rod are lovers who have no experience having sex with a real woman. But because I would never feel clean again. (For the record, I'm open to dating Yankees fans with the understanding that if he knocks me up we're raising the kids as Red Sox fans, but players, HELL NO!) So... Dear Red Sox Nation, The sock on my doorknob means I'm busy LITERALLY "taking one for the team." You're welcome in advance for the upcoming World Series win. Love, Jinxy McDeath.

• Houston: I put this question off and put it off.  It not a subject I feel comfortable with since I am married and have five kids.  I love THE WIFE and obey her every whim and can't imagine ever being with anyone except her.

But still...

Who would I get jiggy with if I had a free shot?

The possibilities are endless. Or are they? I don't want to die.

You see when I was a young man I was infatuated with Wonder Woman.  She was an Amazonian goddess and had powers normal women didn't have.  She was also a hot tamale and the woman of my dreams.  For this reason I choose to get jiggy with Wonder Woman with my free shot.

The best part is I am married to Wonder Woman (THE WIFE).  But please don't tell anyone, it will blow her secret identity.

You won't tell? Thanks.

Oh and for the record, MY Wonder Woman doesn't have Irritable Bowell Syndrome.


Kristin and Michelle both chose not to answer this one. Feel free to mock them for it in the comments.

1 comment:

  1. Wasn't there a Friends epidode like this, and on it they had 5 people. I like Jennifer Morrison,she's nice looking.

    Oh, and I applaud Michelle and Kristin for staying out of this - the rest of you are disgusting! LOL!